For the Kaiila Isanna Free Woman..Isicola...is this written from the Books by John Norman.
'Red savage men will listen with great attention to their free women, according them great honor and respect. But, women are not permitted within the councils. Only men actually make the decisions. Free women may speak boldly but if they grow too irritating, they will simply be beaten. Interestingly, free women may cut off the first joint of one of their fingers if they lose a son. For each son they lose, they select a new finger.'
For RP purposes will we tend to the Lakota tradition of cutting of hair when in mourning...this is done not only by women..but by men.
For a more detailed look at how we base our RP, I would like to look at this from the author: Larry Kipp
The Responsibilities of the Lakota Woman
By Larri Kipp
When I started writing this paper I found it really difficult to begin, because I am a Lakota woman. I discovered things that I never knew. I discovered things that I should have done and be doing. As I dug into this subject I realized that there were a lot of different things that I was not aware of. I questioned if I wanted to write this paper. It was starting to bring up feelings that I have never felt before. There were feelings of being lost and frustrated. After all of this I realized that there were people in the world that did not know any of the things I knew or was learning.
Before Contact with Settlers
The role of the Lakota woman is very different than that of a non-Lakota woman. There are many different aspects of a Lakota woman’s life that are not in the public eye. There are beliefs for a how a woman acts to how they raise their children. The responsibilities that a Lakota woman has are very important to her life. They are also important to her family because her family depends on her a lot for many different things. The Lakota woman’s role was to take care of her children, the house and the home. She had to feed and clothe her family.
A woman’s status and their role in a society is very important part of their life. I have been told many times that the heartbeat of the nations is found within a woman. The woman is the one who does everything. The Lakota women are looked upon as being an extension of Mother Earth. Due to this they are given a lot of respect. They are also looked upon as the way for the nation to continue. There was total respect for the women. The Lakota women had total support of the men. The Lakota men saw the women as equal. They were in the relationship together. They had to work together to survive. The Lakota woman put a lot value on her role in life. To her it is important that she is a good mother, sister, daughter, aunt and grandmother. A Lakota woman is brought up to respect not only herself, but also her family. Doris Leader Charge said, “The greatest thing my grandmother taught me was respect, she taught me to be proud of what I do.” Lakota women not only respected themselves, but also those that they knew. The life of a Lakota woman is centered around her family. Her children were what her life was about. When it came to her children learning, especially the girls, it was she that taught them. The children were considered property of their mother. All of the children stayed with their mother. She would guide her children and teach them how to take care of themselves, how to respect themselves and others. They learned lessons in personal hygiene, home making and childcare. Young girls stayed with their mothers and grandmothers until they wed. While she was with her mother she learned about different things that she needed to know.
When a women was ready to be married her parents would give a ceremony for her. This was public announcement that one’s daughter had reached womanhood, that she was now preparing for marriage, and that she was ready to be courted. When Lakota women reached adolescents their way of dating was watched very careful by her parents and brother. A girl who was respected was one who was taught by her mother quilling and beading who said nothing to courters until she found the right man. This was because she was not considered prepared for marriage until she learned how to do the things that were required of her.
As the Lakota women center their lives a round her family there were rules that she had to follow when it came to being around her relatives. When it came to her brothers she had the up most respect for them. If she wanted to bead, she beaded for him first. Her brother was the most important person. As they got older, she did not talk to her older brothers unless he talked to her. If the girl got married her relationship with her father-in-law was of complete avoidance. She would not make eye contact with him, nor would she talk to him. If she had anything to say to them she would have her husband or someone else say it for her. When it came to a relationship with her brother-in-law, the relationship was friendly and intimate joking. Even though there was complete avoidance with the certain people the relationships were very close.
The Lakota people were a mobile society. They followed the buffalo herds. Their way of life depended on the buffalo; everything from their food, clothing and shelter came from it. The hides of the buffalo were considered big game. It was her duty to skin the large game, and the skins then became her property. When it came to the shelter, it was the woman’s responsibility to take care of it. Taking care of the shelter included tanning the hide for it, putting it up and taking it down. One woman did not do all of this work. When it came to tanning and setting up the tipi woman would help each other. It was done as a group. Like a marriage the tanning and tipi was a group effort. With all of the responsibilities that a Lakota woman had she was taught a very important lesson. The lesson that was taught was she was not to brag. Women do not brag on themselves, the people would compliment them on what they did. When a woman did beadwork or made quilts she did not brag about it because this is were the compliments would come in. When it came to beading and quilting women were not suppose to start anything unless they intended on finishing it.
When it came to marriage women had a lot of responsibilities. When a woman got married she was expected to bear a child. To bear a child was considered fulfillment of a woman’s role, for in doing the White Buffalo Maiden’s charge to be fruitful was satisfied. Childbirth for a Lakota woman was done with midwives if they were in a camp. If they were not in camp it was done different. If the band was on the move and the woman went into labor, they would go off on her own. They would deliver their own baby. After they would deliver the baby they would take the placenta and put it in a tree. They would also keep the navel that was attached to the baby. Once the navel would fall off they would save it and put it into a lizard or a turtle for their child. This was done for the child so they would be calm. It was also done so the child would not be nosey. They did not want their child to go around searching for their navel. After the woman would give birth and did all the things that were required of her she would go to a creek and wash herself and the baby off. Then she would rejoin the band.
When it came to disciplining the children it was done in a comforting way. When the woman would discipline her child, the father would always side with the child. A mother would never hit or scream at her child, she would talk to them softly and calmly. When a woman was married she did almost everything. She was the one that would skin the animals, cook the food, take of the children if there were any, and make clothes. She also made quilts to keep people warm. The only chore that she did not due was hunt. Her husband did the hunting, when he killed something he brought it home to her to clean. All of these responsibilities were left up to her and she learned them from her mother.
In the traditional Lakota way the mother was aware that everything influenced the child she carried - her own health and well-being, including her thoughts and feelings, as well as every sound or noise and external event. She knew that a calm personal bearing and a quiet environment were essential to a healthy child. So she took care to be as untroubled as possible, and avoided the community gatherings, feasts and dances. It was also understood that good parenting required much time and energy to focus on the child so that having another baby was not considered until the one had become 4 or 5 years old. Today, the unborn infant is subjected to all the clamor of a noisy society - TV, radio, etc.- endless talk, and the troubled thoughts of a mother in an evermore confusing world.
As soon as the baby was born it was given the most important lesson of life: that the good of the whole people came first before the desires of the individual. It learned immediately that it must never make a sound that could give away a whole camp to an enemy, or spoil a hunt that would lose the winter supply of meat for the entire camp. Also, as the child grew, he or she learned to endure hardship with hardly a whimper thus becoming strong in heart and body. The baby was deprived of nothing, being taken everywhere, the cradleboard carried or propped up to see all the life of the people happening around him. In contrast, the dominant society today allows infants to cry freely, and they soon learn to expect all to rush to their every desire, so they become in their own minds the center of life instead of a part of the whole body of people. To further isolate them, they are often separated from adults so they have mainly a peer group with limited experience to learn from.
The traditional Lakota way saw every child as a common concern of all the people, so the entire camp parented the young one, welcoming him at every tipi with food, if he was hungry and real care if he had any joy or sorrow to share.
Lakota children were never touched by a punishing adult hand. A child learned quickly that he must take his own proper place as each person and everything in this world has a proper place, or the delicate balance of life was broken and everyone harmed. The dominant society's behavior toward its children was therefore a shock to the Lakota people; they could not understand the brutal treatment the whites showed to their children, first coddling them like pets or toys, and then treating them like enemies who had to be restrained, bribed, spied on and punished, often by beating. Our people saw that children raised this way grew up to be immature adults with adult wills that made them dangerous enemies who schemed only to get their own way, therefore creating today's violent society where each fights against the other with continuing greed and distrust.
The traditional Lakota knew the dangers of overprotecting the young so they became too dependent on the mother or father. So they provided each child with a second father and mother at birth, these people selected because of their excellence as examples of being good hunters, homemakers, etc. The young boy, for example, could talk freely, but respectfully, with the second mother, but kept a more distant relationship with his first so that he never trailed her moccasins, relying on her approval instead of developing his own inner personal self-respect. The prudent mother avoided looking directly into her son's eyes, even from birth. With no undue attachment to the mother a Lakota boy grew independently able to be a good brother to his sisters and finally a good husband and father himself.
The young Lakota learned to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his actions at a very early age. Experience was recognized as a vital teacher. In the dominant society of today, the parent considers it appropiate to hold back a curious child from any possible negative experience, thus overprotecting the child from the natural consequences of life's risks, and causes the child to direct his anger at the parent.
A vital lesson the Lakota parent gave to every child from the beginning of its life is that all life - everything - all the plant and animal peoples, the wingeds and the swimmers - had a place in the world and were therefore sacred as the child was sacred. He was told that everything was put on the earth to share in it's creation with respect, and thus nothing was to be destroyed without reason: no animal killed without need of its meat or hide, etc. In the Lakota way, every aspect of life was spiritual, thus the parent taught every lesson with the built-in message that since wakan tanka made all things and was involved in all life, everything must be done in a sacred manner. In a great contrast, the dominant society gives its children the example that all the natural resources of the earth are to be used up at whim, animals are worthwhile only if they can be used for food, pets or entertainment, and as long as any action or desire brings immediate satisfaction, the survival of the earth is secondary.
Parenting the Lakota way involved allowing the child to experience himself or herself as part of the whole village, and so he or she was always in the midst of the adult world. He drew examples from headmen, grandmothers, hunters, holy men, etc. Every plaything was an item to use as practice for responsible adult life. On the other hand, the toys of the dominant society today set up a fantasy life that isolates the child in a make-believe world that he or she can only hope to attain by becoming rich or powerful in a violent world. Good parenting always involved the grandparents of the child who became deeply respected and trusted teachers. Most older members of the Lakota village were pointed out as teachers the child should seek out, for most of the people had lived respectable and rigorous lives that could be drawn upon for the ongoing education of the young. In contrast, the elderly of the dominant society are usually ignored and many times abused, for the white man judges its society's members mainly by what they can produce, not by the wisdom they have gained.
A great turning point came in the male child's life before the age of 10. No longer did mother or son speak directly to each other, but only made their thought known through a third party. Thus, again, no Lakota man became tied to his mother's influence - an overbearing and weakening force in the dominant society that often prevents a male from attaining strong, assertive manhood. The boy was thereafter trained by the father and male relatives in all the survival needs of life - hunting, pro-tecting the helpless, preparing for married life, etc. The girls remained in the mother's and other female relatives' direct care and training, learning all the basics of home and childcare, and the essential bearing of all healthy Lakota women - modest, quiet, enduring behavior that was the strength of every family throughout all joys and hardships. Today's society shows increasing evidence of incomplete training that results in young people who are poorly prepared for the responsibilities of adult life.
Another vital aspect of Lakota parenting was the freedom given the young person to learn the difficult lessons of life from the scorn and laughter of the peer group. Some of the games played were very rough, sometimes resulting in injuries. Today's dominant society coddles youth by trying to prevent this lesson; instead, they often load their children with toys, sweet foods and TV so these young ones escape difficulties, leading them to later reject life and seek to destroy themselves by liquor, drugs or suicide.
By 10 years of age the Lakota boy already had self-respect as a needed member of the tribe. Often, between 14 and 16, he would choose to seek a vision - hanbleceya - to clarify his role in life. By 12-years-old he may already have killed his first buffalo or counted his first coup against the enemy. In great contrast, boys at 12 in today's dominant society are like our very young children were, unskilled in life's requirements and without a chance to know what their place will be in a complex society that keeps changing. As for the traditional Lakota girl, by the age of 14 or 16 she was already fully trained and could be married at this time, undertaking all the responsibilities and trials of maintaining a household and rearing children. As for today's young girls of the dominant society, they are usually reared to seek comfort for themselves first, longing for the rich homes and easy life of the TV world, and if they become mothers they may be outwardly hostile to the newborn who requires selfless care.
The food came from the men, who were considered the providers. Even though the men provide the food, it was the woman’s responsibility to cook it and serve the men and children. The other foods that the people ate came from being gathered by the women. Some of these foods would include berries and turnips. The woman also had to dry the food that the people ate. It was the woman that kept the nation fed. When it came to wasting food this was not allowed. If there was anything left over after meals it was given to those that needed it. If someone stopped by for a visit they were given something to eat. When visitors would arrive the first thing that a woman did was offer them something to eat. If it was not time to eat, they were offered coffee and bread. Another thing that women would do when they had guest was have the children go outside. This was done because they did not think the children needed to hear what the adults were talking about.
Women were not directly a part of warfare, but they were important to the military activity in their tribes. Sometimes women would pressure their husbands to steal more horses in order to acquire more wealth, and some would even encourage their husbands to capture other women to be co-wives in helping with domestic duties. Women would also take care of the scalp that her brother would take during war or raids. If the man did not have a sister his mother would take care of the scalp for him. The Lakota woman often had final say when the warriors’ council disagreed, they could stop the tribe from going to war by refusing to provide rations, and even made decisions about captives.
Lakota men had societies that they belonged to. These societies that the men belonged to were by invitation only. Traditional Lakota society included woman as singers for the men’s sacred societies. Women also had their own medicine societies and sodalities for interest related to their roles. These societies were the ones that midwives belonged to. There were also women that were medicine women.
When it came to a Lakota woman’s parents getting older they were often taken care of by their son. Not all aged parents could live with their children because of the avoidance taboo. If the mother did not have any sons then it became the daughter’s responsibility to assist her economically, and frequently she pitched her tipi next to her daughter’s to enjoy her company and to care for her children. Having a mother live with her daughter was completely impractical.
After Contact with Settlers
The Lakota woman’s role has changed drastically since settlers came into the plains. The once proud Lakota woman who had full reign over her tipi and children, now have changed. Even though things have changed Lakota woman are still the strong figure in their families. Before the settlers came the Lakota woman and man had an equal partnership. Soon after the arrival this changed. The European settler was amazed by how much respect was given to a woman. In Europe women were not treated like they were here. It is the European man that came up with the term squaw for Indian women. They also came up with the idea of the Indian man rides in front while the squaw was behind him. Lakota women do not walk behind their man they walk beside them.
There are three major things that the European settlers brought that changed how the responsibilities and role of the woman changed. The first thing that they brought was alcohol. They also implemented boarding schools and relocation. The boarding school, alcohol and relocation tore the families apart. Women no longer were given the opportunity to nurture the child because they were off at boarding school for 9 to 12 months. Relocation added to this because families would leave the reservation and not stay away. When they returned they did not know their culture.
The Lakota woman who once was the teacher of her children has changed. She once taught her children their culture, language and ceremonies. Now the younger generation does not know any of this. They do not know the ceremonies that each of them must go through in order to complete. They do not know the things that they must do because the Lakota culture had them. The Lakota woman no longer guides her child. They do not learn about respect, shame or any other virtue that was once taught to them inside their home. What the Lakota woman once took care of is not there either. The Lakota woman was responsibility for her home. She did everything for it. She tanned the hides that she used to create the home. She also would take it down and set it up. Now she does not do this, others do it.
Now the role of the woman in marriage is a lot different then it was before they came into contact with settlers. Women are still getting married, but they do not stay at home and take care of the children. Their role has changed because they now go to college and work. They are no longer at home beading and quilting. They are also no longer at home guiding their children.
As time has changed so has the way that the Lakota woman feeding their families. A lot of the food is no longer dried and stored. The man no longer hunts to provide meat. The woman no longer goes out and gathers berries and turnips. The way that food has been provided did not change as fast as other things has. At first the woman had gardens that they tended to. They would take the things from the garden and store them for the winter. They would also raise animals that they would kill, dry and store the meet. Today, the women go to the store and get the food that they cook for their families.
Childbirth for the Lakota woman has also changed drastically. They now have their children in hospitals. A majority of the woman are no longer taking the placenta of the children and putting them in trees. They are also not taking their children’s umbilical cords and making amulets for them. The child no longer has it to wear around their neck. The way that a Lakota woman treats and acts towards her siblings has also changed. They no longer put them first before their own families. Their main concern now is how they can provide for their families. They do this by working full time jobs outside of the home. When it comes to the in-laws there are a lot of women that do not follow the total avoidance rule. The only women that do follow this rule are the women that are considered traditional. There are only a few of the traditional women that are a round. With today’s society women play many roles. One of those roles that they now hold is that of leaders. At one time women were happy to have born, nurtured and raised a leader. Now they take the chance of becoming leaders. The leaders are a lot different though; they are now community representatives, council members and community chairpersons. Lakota women were leaders long before they took offices.
There were ceremonies that Lakota women had to take part in. They did this because it was part of their culture. Now they do not do that because many of them do not know what they are. To talk about them in public is considered taboo. The ceremonies are known, but they are not passed down.
Things have also changed with how the elders are taken care of. They used to be welcomed into the tipi or one was set up for them besides their daughter’s. Nowadays if the elders are being taken care of it is for the money that they receive every month. If they are lucky they get to a nursing home, but a lot of people do not do this because they want the money that the elders have.
There are no longer societies that the women belong to. One thing that has changed is that Lakota women still sing for the men. They also do not take pride in their beading and quilting the way they once did. The do not use it for personal use or for their families. It is now sold to make a profit. There was the important lesson about bragging that is no longer being observed either. You see women that constantly brag about the things that they are doing. The brag about the money that they make, the things that they have and the accomplishments that they have done.
The Lakota woman and dating have changed a lot. They no longer have to learn how to take care of the home, how to bead or quilt before they are considered ready to marry. They are now dating at younger ages. They are also having children very young. The still have the protection from their brothers, if they have them. Dating for the Lakota woman is no longer complicated it is just straightforward.
The Lakota have had a difficult task of adjusting. They went from being nomadic to being farmers. With that task of change, the responsibilities that each of the members had has changed. The Lakota woman who once did everything but go to war and hunt now is held responsible for everything. She has to provide for the family. There are some situations where the Lakota woman is the only parent. Even though the responsibilities for the Lakota woman have changed she is still strong and surviving. Lakota women have a history of survival inside of them.
Bibliography
'Red savage men will listen with great attention to their free women, according them great honor and respect. But, women are not permitted within the councils. Only men actually make the decisions. Free women may speak boldly but if they grow too irritating, they will simply be beaten. Interestingly, free women may cut off the first joint of one of their fingers if they lose a son. For each son they lose, they select a new finger.'
For RP purposes will we tend to the Lakota tradition of cutting of hair when in mourning...this is done not only by women..but by men.
For a more detailed look at how we base our RP, I would like to look at this from the author: Larry Kipp
The Responsibilities of the Lakota Woman
By Larri Kipp
When I started writing this paper I found it really difficult to begin, because I am a Lakota woman. I discovered things that I never knew. I discovered things that I should have done and be doing. As I dug into this subject I realized that there were a lot of different things that I was not aware of. I questioned if I wanted to write this paper. It was starting to bring up feelings that I have never felt before. There were feelings of being lost and frustrated. After all of this I realized that there were people in the world that did not know any of the things I knew or was learning.
Before Contact with Settlers
The role of the Lakota woman is very different than that of a non-Lakota woman. There are many different aspects of a Lakota woman’s life that are not in the public eye. There are beliefs for a how a woman acts to how they raise their children. The responsibilities that a Lakota woman has are very important to her life. They are also important to her family because her family depends on her a lot for many different things. The Lakota woman’s role was to take care of her children, the house and the home. She had to feed and clothe her family.
A woman’s status and their role in a society is very important part of their life. I have been told many times that the heartbeat of the nations is found within a woman. The woman is the one who does everything. The Lakota women are looked upon as being an extension of Mother Earth. Due to this they are given a lot of respect. They are also looked upon as the way for the nation to continue. There was total respect for the women. The Lakota women had total support of the men. The Lakota men saw the women as equal. They were in the relationship together. They had to work together to survive. The Lakota woman put a lot value on her role in life. To her it is important that she is a good mother, sister, daughter, aunt and grandmother. A Lakota woman is brought up to respect not only herself, but also her family. Doris Leader Charge said, “The greatest thing my grandmother taught me was respect, she taught me to be proud of what I do.” Lakota women not only respected themselves, but also those that they knew. The life of a Lakota woman is centered around her family. Her children were what her life was about. When it came to her children learning, especially the girls, it was she that taught them. The children were considered property of their mother. All of the children stayed with their mother. She would guide her children and teach them how to take care of themselves, how to respect themselves and others. They learned lessons in personal hygiene, home making and childcare. Young girls stayed with their mothers and grandmothers until they wed. While she was with her mother she learned about different things that she needed to know.
When a women was ready to be married her parents would give a ceremony for her. This was public announcement that one’s daughter had reached womanhood, that she was now preparing for marriage, and that she was ready to be courted. When Lakota women reached adolescents their way of dating was watched very careful by her parents and brother. A girl who was respected was one who was taught by her mother quilling and beading who said nothing to courters until she found the right man. This was because she was not considered prepared for marriage until she learned how to do the things that were required of her.
As the Lakota women center their lives a round her family there were rules that she had to follow when it came to being around her relatives. When it came to her brothers she had the up most respect for them. If she wanted to bead, she beaded for him first. Her brother was the most important person. As they got older, she did not talk to her older brothers unless he talked to her. If the girl got married her relationship with her father-in-law was of complete avoidance. She would not make eye contact with him, nor would she talk to him. If she had anything to say to them she would have her husband or someone else say it for her. When it came to a relationship with her brother-in-law, the relationship was friendly and intimate joking. Even though there was complete avoidance with the certain people the relationships were very close.
The Lakota people were a mobile society. They followed the buffalo herds. Their way of life depended on the buffalo; everything from their food, clothing and shelter came from it. The hides of the buffalo were considered big game. It was her duty to skin the large game, and the skins then became her property. When it came to the shelter, it was the woman’s responsibility to take care of it. Taking care of the shelter included tanning the hide for it, putting it up and taking it down. One woman did not do all of this work. When it came to tanning and setting up the tipi woman would help each other. It was done as a group. Like a marriage the tanning and tipi was a group effort. With all of the responsibilities that a Lakota woman had she was taught a very important lesson. The lesson that was taught was she was not to brag. Women do not brag on themselves, the people would compliment them on what they did. When a woman did beadwork or made quilts she did not brag about it because this is were the compliments would come in. When it came to beading and quilting women were not suppose to start anything unless they intended on finishing it.
When it came to marriage women had a lot of responsibilities. When a woman got married she was expected to bear a child. To bear a child was considered fulfillment of a woman’s role, for in doing the White Buffalo Maiden’s charge to be fruitful was satisfied. Childbirth for a Lakota woman was done with midwives if they were in a camp. If they were not in camp it was done different. If the band was on the move and the woman went into labor, they would go off on her own. They would deliver their own baby. After they would deliver the baby they would take the placenta and put it in a tree. They would also keep the navel that was attached to the baby. Once the navel would fall off they would save it and put it into a lizard or a turtle for their child. This was done for the child so they would be calm. It was also done so the child would not be nosey. They did not want their child to go around searching for their navel. After the woman would give birth and did all the things that were required of her she would go to a creek and wash herself and the baby off. Then she would rejoin the band.
When it came to disciplining the children it was done in a comforting way. When the woman would discipline her child, the father would always side with the child. A mother would never hit or scream at her child, she would talk to them softly and calmly. When a woman was married she did almost everything. She was the one that would skin the animals, cook the food, take of the children if there were any, and make clothes. She also made quilts to keep people warm. The only chore that she did not due was hunt. Her husband did the hunting, when he killed something he brought it home to her to clean. All of these responsibilities were left up to her and she learned them from her mother.
In the traditional Lakota way the mother was aware that everything influenced the child she carried - her own health and well-being, including her thoughts and feelings, as well as every sound or noise and external event. She knew that a calm personal bearing and a quiet environment were essential to a healthy child. So she took care to be as untroubled as possible, and avoided the community gatherings, feasts and dances. It was also understood that good parenting required much time and energy to focus on the child so that having another baby was not considered until the one had become 4 or 5 years old. Today, the unborn infant is subjected to all the clamor of a noisy society - TV, radio, etc.- endless talk, and the troubled thoughts of a mother in an evermore confusing world.
As soon as the baby was born it was given the most important lesson of life: that the good of the whole people came first before the desires of the individual. It learned immediately that it must never make a sound that could give away a whole camp to an enemy, or spoil a hunt that would lose the winter supply of meat for the entire camp. Also, as the child grew, he or she learned to endure hardship with hardly a whimper thus becoming strong in heart and body. The baby was deprived of nothing, being taken everywhere, the cradleboard carried or propped up to see all the life of the people happening around him. In contrast, the dominant society today allows infants to cry freely, and they soon learn to expect all to rush to their every desire, so they become in their own minds the center of life instead of a part of the whole body of people. To further isolate them, they are often separated from adults so they have mainly a peer group with limited experience to learn from.
The traditional Lakota way saw every child as a common concern of all the people, so the entire camp parented the young one, welcoming him at every tipi with food, if he was hungry and real care if he had any joy or sorrow to share.
Lakota children were never touched by a punishing adult hand. A child learned quickly that he must take his own proper place as each person and everything in this world has a proper place, or the delicate balance of life was broken and everyone harmed. The dominant society's behavior toward its children was therefore a shock to the Lakota people; they could not understand the brutal treatment the whites showed to their children, first coddling them like pets or toys, and then treating them like enemies who had to be restrained, bribed, spied on and punished, often by beating. Our people saw that children raised this way grew up to be immature adults with adult wills that made them dangerous enemies who schemed only to get their own way, therefore creating today's violent society where each fights against the other with continuing greed and distrust.
The traditional Lakota knew the dangers of overprotecting the young so they became too dependent on the mother or father. So they provided each child with a second father and mother at birth, these people selected because of their excellence as examples of being good hunters, homemakers, etc. The young boy, for example, could talk freely, but respectfully, with the second mother, but kept a more distant relationship with his first so that he never trailed her moccasins, relying on her approval instead of developing his own inner personal self-respect. The prudent mother avoided looking directly into her son's eyes, even from birth. With no undue attachment to the mother a Lakota boy grew independently able to be a good brother to his sisters and finally a good husband and father himself.
The young Lakota learned to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his actions at a very early age. Experience was recognized as a vital teacher. In the dominant society of today, the parent considers it appropiate to hold back a curious child from any possible negative experience, thus overprotecting the child from the natural consequences of life's risks, and causes the child to direct his anger at the parent.
A vital lesson the Lakota parent gave to every child from the beginning of its life is that all life - everything - all the plant and animal peoples, the wingeds and the swimmers - had a place in the world and were therefore sacred as the child was sacred. He was told that everything was put on the earth to share in it's creation with respect, and thus nothing was to be destroyed without reason: no animal killed without need of its meat or hide, etc. In the Lakota way, every aspect of life was spiritual, thus the parent taught every lesson with the built-in message that since wakan tanka made all things and was involved in all life, everything must be done in a sacred manner. In a great contrast, the dominant society gives its children the example that all the natural resources of the earth are to be used up at whim, animals are worthwhile only if they can be used for food, pets or entertainment, and as long as any action or desire brings immediate satisfaction, the survival of the earth is secondary.
Parenting the Lakota way involved allowing the child to experience himself or herself as part of the whole village, and so he or she was always in the midst of the adult world. He drew examples from headmen, grandmothers, hunters, holy men, etc. Every plaything was an item to use as practice for responsible adult life. On the other hand, the toys of the dominant society today set up a fantasy life that isolates the child in a make-believe world that he or she can only hope to attain by becoming rich or powerful in a violent world. Good parenting always involved the grandparents of the child who became deeply respected and trusted teachers. Most older members of the Lakota village were pointed out as teachers the child should seek out, for most of the people had lived respectable and rigorous lives that could be drawn upon for the ongoing education of the young. In contrast, the elderly of the dominant society are usually ignored and many times abused, for the white man judges its society's members mainly by what they can produce, not by the wisdom they have gained.
A great turning point came in the male child's life before the age of 10. No longer did mother or son speak directly to each other, but only made their thought known through a third party. Thus, again, no Lakota man became tied to his mother's influence - an overbearing and weakening force in the dominant society that often prevents a male from attaining strong, assertive manhood. The boy was thereafter trained by the father and male relatives in all the survival needs of life - hunting, pro-tecting the helpless, preparing for married life, etc. The girls remained in the mother's and other female relatives' direct care and training, learning all the basics of home and childcare, and the essential bearing of all healthy Lakota women - modest, quiet, enduring behavior that was the strength of every family throughout all joys and hardships. Today's society shows increasing evidence of incomplete training that results in young people who are poorly prepared for the responsibilities of adult life.
Another vital aspect of Lakota parenting was the freedom given the young person to learn the difficult lessons of life from the scorn and laughter of the peer group. Some of the games played were very rough, sometimes resulting in injuries. Today's dominant society coddles youth by trying to prevent this lesson; instead, they often load their children with toys, sweet foods and TV so these young ones escape difficulties, leading them to later reject life and seek to destroy themselves by liquor, drugs or suicide.
By 10 years of age the Lakota boy already had self-respect as a needed member of the tribe. Often, between 14 and 16, he would choose to seek a vision - hanbleceya - to clarify his role in life. By 12-years-old he may already have killed his first buffalo or counted his first coup against the enemy. In great contrast, boys at 12 in today's dominant society are like our very young children were, unskilled in life's requirements and without a chance to know what their place will be in a complex society that keeps changing. As for the traditional Lakota girl, by the age of 14 or 16 she was already fully trained and could be married at this time, undertaking all the responsibilities and trials of maintaining a household and rearing children. As for today's young girls of the dominant society, they are usually reared to seek comfort for themselves first, longing for the rich homes and easy life of the TV world, and if they become mothers they may be outwardly hostile to the newborn who requires selfless care.
The food came from the men, who were considered the providers. Even though the men provide the food, it was the woman’s responsibility to cook it and serve the men and children. The other foods that the people ate came from being gathered by the women. Some of these foods would include berries and turnips. The woman also had to dry the food that the people ate. It was the woman that kept the nation fed. When it came to wasting food this was not allowed. If there was anything left over after meals it was given to those that needed it. If someone stopped by for a visit they were given something to eat. When visitors would arrive the first thing that a woman did was offer them something to eat. If it was not time to eat, they were offered coffee and bread. Another thing that women would do when they had guest was have the children go outside. This was done because they did not think the children needed to hear what the adults were talking about.
Women were not directly a part of warfare, but they were important to the military activity in their tribes. Sometimes women would pressure their husbands to steal more horses in order to acquire more wealth, and some would even encourage their husbands to capture other women to be co-wives in helping with domestic duties. Women would also take care of the scalp that her brother would take during war or raids. If the man did not have a sister his mother would take care of the scalp for him. The Lakota woman often had final say when the warriors’ council disagreed, they could stop the tribe from going to war by refusing to provide rations, and even made decisions about captives.
Lakota men had societies that they belonged to. These societies that the men belonged to were by invitation only. Traditional Lakota society included woman as singers for the men’s sacred societies. Women also had their own medicine societies and sodalities for interest related to their roles. These societies were the ones that midwives belonged to. There were also women that were medicine women.
When it came to a Lakota woman’s parents getting older they were often taken care of by their son. Not all aged parents could live with their children because of the avoidance taboo. If the mother did not have any sons then it became the daughter’s responsibility to assist her economically, and frequently she pitched her tipi next to her daughter’s to enjoy her company and to care for her children. Having a mother live with her daughter was completely impractical.
After Contact with Settlers
The Lakota woman’s role has changed drastically since settlers came into the plains. The once proud Lakota woman who had full reign over her tipi and children, now have changed. Even though things have changed Lakota woman are still the strong figure in their families. Before the settlers came the Lakota woman and man had an equal partnership. Soon after the arrival this changed. The European settler was amazed by how much respect was given to a woman. In Europe women were not treated like they were here. It is the European man that came up with the term squaw for Indian women. They also came up with the idea of the Indian man rides in front while the squaw was behind him. Lakota women do not walk behind their man they walk beside them.
There are three major things that the European settlers brought that changed how the responsibilities and role of the woman changed. The first thing that they brought was alcohol. They also implemented boarding schools and relocation. The boarding school, alcohol and relocation tore the families apart. Women no longer were given the opportunity to nurture the child because they were off at boarding school for 9 to 12 months. Relocation added to this because families would leave the reservation and not stay away. When they returned they did not know their culture.
The Lakota woman who once was the teacher of her children has changed. She once taught her children their culture, language and ceremonies. Now the younger generation does not know any of this. They do not know the ceremonies that each of them must go through in order to complete. They do not know the things that they must do because the Lakota culture had them. The Lakota woman no longer guides her child. They do not learn about respect, shame or any other virtue that was once taught to them inside their home. What the Lakota woman once took care of is not there either. The Lakota woman was responsibility for her home. She did everything for it. She tanned the hides that she used to create the home. She also would take it down and set it up. Now she does not do this, others do it.
Now the role of the woman in marriage is a lot different then it was before they came into contact with settlers. Women are still getting married, but they do not stay at home and take care of the children. Their role has changed because they now go to college and work. They are no longer at home beading and quilting. They are also no longer at home guiding their children.
As time has changed so has the way that the Lakota woman feeding their families. A lot of the food is no longer dried and stored. The man no longer hunts to provide meat. The woman no longer goes out and gathers berries and turnips. The way that food has been provided did not change as fast as other things has. At first the woman had gardens that they tended to. They would take the things from the garden and store them for the winter. They would also raise animals that they would kill, dry and store the meet. Today, the women go to the store and get the food that they cook for their families.
Childbirth for the Lakota woman has also changed drastically. They now have their children in hospitals. A majority of the woman are no longer taking the placenta of the children and putting them in trees. They are also not taking their children’s umbilical cords and making amulets for them. The child no longer has it to wear around their neck. The way that a Lakota woman treats and acts towards her siblings has also changed. They no longer put them first before their own families. Their main concern now is how they can provide for their families. They do this by working full time jobs outside of the home. When it comes to the in-laws there are a lot of women that do not follow the total avoidance rule. The only women that do follow this rule are the women that are considered traditional. There are only a few of the traditional women that are a round. With today’s society women play many roles. One of those roles that they now hold is that of leaders. At one time women were happy to have born, nurtured and raised a leader. Now they take the chance of becoming leaders. The leaders are a lot different though; they are now community representatives, council members and community chairpersons. Lakota women were leaders long before they took offices.
There were ceremonies that Lakota women had to take part in. They did this because it was part of their culture. Now they do not do that because many of them do not know what they are. To talk about them in public is considered taboo. The ceremonies are known, but they are not passed down.
Things have also changed with how the elders are taken care of. They used to be welcomed into the tipi or one was set up for them besides their daughter’s. Nowadays if the elders are being taken care of it is for the money that they receive every month. If they are lucky they get to a nursing home, but a lot of people do not do this because they want the money that the elders have.
There are no longer societies that the women belong to. One thing that has changed is that Lakota women still sing for the men. They also do not take pride in their beading and quilting the way they once did. The do not use it for personal use or for their families. It is now sold to make a profit. There was the important lesson about bragging that is no longer being observed either. You see women that constantly brag about the things that they are doing. The brag about the money that they make, the things that they have and the accomplishments that they have done.
The Lakota woman and dating have changed a lot. They no longer have to learn how to take care of the home, how to bead or quilt before they are considered ready to marry. They are now dating at younger ages. They are also having children very young. The still have the protection from their brothers, if they have them. Dating for the Lakota woman is no longer complicated it is just straightforward.
The Lakota have had a difficult task of adjusting. They went from being nomadic to being farmers. With that task of change, the responsibilities that each of the members had has changed. The Lakota woman who once did everything but go to war and hunt now is held responsible for everything. She has to provide for the family. There are some situations where the Lakota woman is the only parent. Even though the responsibilities for the Lakota woman have changed she is still strong and surviving. Lakota women have a history of survival inside of them.
Bibliography
- Adelman, Jeanne and Gloria M. Enguidanos, Racism in the Lives of Women: Testimony, Theory, and Guides to Antiracist Practice. (New York: Haworth Press, 1995)
- Herring, Roger D. and Tarrell Awe Agahe Portman.. “Debunking the Pocahontas Paradox: The Need for a Humanistic Perspective.” Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Educating & Development. Fall 2001: 185-200.
- Leader Charge, Doris, Lakota Lecture Series, produced by Todd County School District, 60 minutes, 1989, videocassette.
- Medicine, Beatrice. Learning to Be an Anthropologist & Remaining “Native.” Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 2001.
- Spotted Tail, Neola, Lakota Lecture Series, produced by Todd County School District, 60 minutes, 1989, videocassette.
- Stone, Phyllis, Lakota Lecture Series, produced by Todd County School District, 60 minutes, 1989, videocassette.
- Walker, James R., Lakota Society. Lincoln: University Nebraska Press, 1992.